We Meet People in Chapters, Not Entire Books

Spring is the season of awakening, summer is the season of fire and fun, fall is the season of transition into calm, and winter is the season of reflection, solitude, and death. Humans follow the same template. Although they can feel like it, like nature these seasons don’t last forever. Some are joyous and others we’d rather forget. We meet people, not only in their happy moments, but also in their times of grief, burnout, healing, and rebuilding. These seasons can last days, weeks, months or even years; it's surprisingly easy to mistake a moment for a person’s personality. 

I've been thinking about how we, as humans, tend to assume that the version of a person we meet is who they are fundamental. And to be honest, sometimes that is the case. More often than not, though, we're only seeing them in a specific chapter. That chapter can be full of anger and laughter. When the sides we hide from others show.  

Just like nature, people move through the seasons. Sometimes we meet someone in their spring, when everything feels full of possibilities. Sometimes we meet them in the heat of summer, full of confidence and adventure. Sometimes we meet them in the middle of fall, letting go of parts of themselves they've outgrown. And sometimes we meet them in winter, when they're quiet, exhausted, grieving, or simply trying to survive. 

I went through a bad depression last year, and it wasn't until recently that I started reflecting on the interactions I had with people who met me either in the thick of it or while recovering from it. 

After meeting someone and having a conversation about my interior design choices, he pointed out that my apartment at the time was basically hollow, and he felt that it reflected me. I was very offended by it at first, but then I thought about it. 

He was right. 

My apartment was hollow... or it became hollow. 

My goals had become a chain of my own doing. I got lost and hollow, and my environment reflected that. I was so focused on my goal that by the time I realized I was burnt out and mentally exhausted I was already in the thick of a depressive episode. I moved into that apartment intending to correct my finances, and I decided not to furnish it because becoming debt-free was more important to me. By the time I met him, I was tired and just truly beginning the process of climbing out of the abyss. I was still able to be happy, but the introverted need to recharge from people slowly turned into self-isolation. 

Those of you who have interacted with me probably wouldn't have known that from my cheerful demeanor. 

The depression isn't the point of this writing. 

The point is that, looking back on a lot of my interactions with this person, I realized that this was the main version of me that he saw. He didn't see the version of me that spent time truly enjoying my hobbies or hanging out with friends. He saw the messy, anxious, terrified little girl most of the time. 

That might've contributed to his conclusion that I was wasting potential, or that this was simply how I lived my life all the time. 

Yes, he got glimpses of the happy-go-lucky, bubbly version of me. But he saw much more of the side of me that I do not allow people to see. The side I'm scared to show. 

This is speculation based on things he said to me, but I think a part of him believed that the isolated, sad, empty-apartment version of me was who I was fundamentally. 

To be fair... he was partially right. 

But that wasn't the whole of me. 

It was just the season I was in. 

That realization triggered another thought. 

How many times have I met someone during a bad season of their life and assumed that was simply who they were? That they needed to be saved, or that they were wasting their potential? 

Probably more times than I can count. Did I mistake someone’s burnout for lack of ambition? Did I mistake another person's survival as them not doing their best? Have I gotten upset with people for where they were instead of appreciating and acknowledging who they were underneath?  

To be clear, I am not saying that when you meet someone and realize you do not align, you should stay and allow harm to come to yourself. 

What I'm saying is that this person—and a few others—met me during one of my winters. They didn't know the summer that came before it, and they couldn't see the spring that would eventually come after it. 

I'm still not completely back to my full self yet. 

But after really thinking about it, I have to remind myself that everyone I meet is somewhere in their own season or chapter of life. Some seasons are full of growth. Some are full of joy. Some seasons are about simply making it through the day. Some chapters are happy. Some are rough. 

When we meet people, we're meeting them in a specific season and a specific chapter, sometimes even on a single page within that chapter. 

Lead with compassion and love, but stay firm if you need to. 

Because people aren't static. 

We meet them in chapters, not entirely books.